Rose was not angry, impatient, or irate. She was grateful. Her family came to visit from a distance more than once. Each time she would rally for a period of time to see them, kiss them, smile, tell them all “to sit down” and tell them how good they looked and how happy she was to see them. She never spoke about what was happening to her. She knew. So why talk about it?
She wanted to know how we were. How was Danny doing in Law School? How was Jennifer’s career going? How was Riley, her great-grandson? Her focus was always outward. Her spirit was filled with faith, and complete acceptance of the fact that she was in God’s hands. And for Rose, that was a good place to be.
Those closest to Rose, her husband and children, had their own intimate view and perception of her as a wife, mother, woman, grandmother, and aunt. What they could not fathom was how deeply her spirit and soul had touched the lives of so many people.
At her funeral, we heard from some of these people. And as we listened, we realized that this woman whom we had all seen as a simple, kind person, had in fact had a dramatic impact on the lives of others.
Rose had a quiet spirit with a big wallop. She left indelible imprints etched in the lives, souls, and spirits of others.
How deep were these imprints? Well, listen to some of the words said by various family members at the funeral…
- “She had a pure soul and a generous spirit. The way she made me feel as a child, the way she showered all of us with love, the way she was everybody’s aunt, no matter how large the family became, her pleasant demeanor and her reassuring smile are gifts she left, for all of us to hold onto. I hope that each of us, in our way, can try to live up to her legacy.”
- “My fondest teenage memories involve my loneliness in Florida and how she insisted I stay with them on Bachelder Street. It was a small apartment…but it felt like a mansion because of her love and warmth.”
- “I have learned a lot from my Aunt Rose, who had a great sense of humor and such a truly kind and sensitive love of life.”
- “She had the most musical laugh.”
When we stop and consider the spiritual nature of this journey for those making it, we’d do well to watch their acceptance of themselves during those declining days, and to look to the people who knew them the longest and loved them the most. We look to them because that’s where we find the consistency of who the person was - and will always be - for us.
As a Rabbi who is blessed with the opportunity to meet families with their own Roses, I leave you with the following notion to consider:
Funerals, really, are for the survivors. The person we are mourning has left us physically. But they’ll be “dead” only if there’s no one to remember them. Rose Meister will remain alive for generations to come…because her “spirit” and “spirituality” will live within each of us for the balance of our days.
Rabbi Mitch Feld, MSW, is the spiritual leader of Congregation Yom Chadash. Rabbi Mitch is available for speaking engagements, spiritual counseling and memorable life cycle events. You may find him at www.rabbimitch.com, mitch@rabbimitch.com or 954-755-3764. You will be glad you did.
Mom's Ongoing Spiritual Journey - Part 2
We are all born with a soul, and with a spirit. And I have learned, over time that we are not human beings having a spiritual experience, but, rather, spiritual beings having a human experience.
Rose Meister, my Mother-in-Law, had the ultimate spiritual and human experience, when she transitioned from this world to the next world that she now comprehends and we still cannot. To many of us, even the idea of another world is unfathomable. To others, it’s exactly the place to which they want to go when the time comes.
What is it that makes Rose’s - or anyone’s - journey so spiritual? That’s a good question - and there are no easy answers. My experience as a Rabbi is that people with strong and abiding faith - in whatever it is they believe - do not fear this transition.
Please don’t misunderstand me. I’ve yet to meet someone in good health that prays to leave and make this journey immediately. I am referring to those of advanced age who have an inkling that they are changing; becoming less alert, less mobile, sleeping more, losing interest, less focused, questioning their purpose, more forgetful, or losing their appetite. These are people who are not sick, and are generally in stable health. They fall into the category of older people who are now classified by a relatively new term: “Failure to thrive.”
This was Rose. There was no dramatic shift in her capacity, but rather, a slow erosion of the person we had known and loved for so long. She was now 90, and her caring and kindness toward others was intact. Her memory, attention span, mobility, interest, and focus, however, were all declining.
By now, you’re probably asking yourself – again – “What’s so spiritual about this?”
In Rose’s case, her spirituality was reflected in her attitude of acceptance of where she was and how she was…and her lack of needing to know answers to all the questions her husband, children and family had. Rose was okay without knowing. There was a part of her, of course, that knew without knowing, without being told, and without telling us that she knew. Rose lived in her faith and spirit. She didn’t need to ask questions to which she already knew the answers.
Next Time: Part 2
Rabbi Mitch Feld, MSW, is the spiritual leader of Congregation Yom Chadash. Rabbi Mitch is available for speaking engagements, spiritual counseling and memorable life cycle events. You may find him at www.rabbimitch.com, mitch@rabbimitch.com or 954-755-3764. You will be glad you did.
