Moving in With Your Kids? A Survival Handbook Part 2

In my practice, I often meet seniors who, for one reason or another, have to move in with their adult children. And I can tell you it's often very challenging...for both parties.

But it doesn't have to be. There are ways that you and your child (and your child's spouse/family) can learn to live with each other...and even grow to love it!

In Part 1, we spoke about a few ways to transform a potentially rough situation into a life-enhancing one. Here are some more...

* HAVE A POSITIVE ATTITUDE! There will certainly be things you're not happy with. But don't go down that road! Accentuate the positive. You may be surprised to find that your positive attitude will spark the same in your child...and make things better for everyone.

* FINANCES - I don't need to tell you about families destroyed because of money. You need to have a clear financial arrangement...perhaps even write it down. Both parties need to know who's paying for what. You need to have a sit-down discussion with your child - before you move in!

* HELPING OUT AROUND THE HOUSE - Your help may be welcome in many circumstances. In others, it may not be. But you'll never know unless, again, you have a conversation about it. Find out where your help might be needed, and where it might be construed as interference.

* FOOD - Tell your child about any dietary restrictions you have (and, perhaps, any foods you can't stand). But be flexible.

Sound confusing? Just wait until you have to work these things out in real-time!

We can help.

At The Law Offices of Alice Reiter Feld & Associates, we've been practicing Elder Law in South Florida for 34 years. We've helped thousands of families find solutions to issues like this. And we've helped them find financial security, as well, with comprehensive estate planning, wills, trusts, powers of attorney, long-term care planning, asset-protection plans, and assistance with Medicaid and the VA.

We'll be there when you need us. And we're just a phone call away.

Moving in With Your Kids? A Survival Handbook - Part 1

Sometimes, what goes around, comes around. Some of us, after raising children in our own homes, find ourselves moving into their home.

It can be a difficult situation. Seniors are often in this position because of a loss of independence. After a lifetime of sheltering and providing for our children, they're now the ones sheltering us.

It's no picnic for your child, either. After finally achieving independence and self-sufficiency - and, most likely, raising their own children - now they've got to share their home with you. After possibly achieving that most envied goal of parents - Empty Nesthood - now they've got to share their nest. Seniors, of course, are acutely aware of this. And they may feel insecure about whether they're really wanted.

Opportunities for conflict are like low-hanging fruit in this situation. But it doesn't have to be like the Hatfields and McCoys. In fact, if both sides use common sense (and sensitivity), it can be one of the most rewarding periods of your life.

Here are two tips to get you started...

* Be grateful! Be grateful your child is taking you in. They are willing to make a huge lifestyle adjustment...and are putting your needs ahead of theirs. Many seniors aren't as fortunate as you - they may have to move into assisted living or a nursing home. So see your cup as half-full.

* Compromise! Even if you want your own bathroom, don't ask for changes if they might cause problems.

If you're moving in with your child, you'll have a ton of questions. But we can help.

At The Law Offices of Alice Reiter Feld & Associates, we practice Elder Law. Over the past 34 years, we've helped thousands of South Florida families facing this situation. And we've helped them plan for their futures, as well, with comprehensive estate planning, wills, trusts, powers of attorney, long-term care planning, asset-protection plans, and assistance with Medicaid and the VA.

We can help your family, too. And we're just a phone call away.

A Right to Die, The Will to Live

Recently, the New York Times Sunday Magazine had a touching article about the right to die with dignity.

It was about a Salt Lake City couple named Brooke Hopkins and Margaret (Peggy) Battin.

Brooke was a giant of a man, 6'5" with an appetite for life to match. He's a university professor who loved the great outdoors, and traveling to exotic destinations. And he was described by a friend as "the one who ate the most, drank the most, talked the loudest, danced the longest."

But his dancing ended on Nov. 14, 2008. That was when he had a horrible bike accident, flying off his bike, and his neck and head hitting the ground with a shattering force.

After months in the hospital, Brooke emerged as a quadriplegic who's attached to a ventilator. And Peggy, also a university professor, emerged as a caregiver to a man who had been the living definition of "vitality."

Brooke had already dictated a living will, stating that no extraordinary measures were to be taken to extend his life artificially. However, by the time Peggy got to the hospital...the extraordinary measures had already been taken. So, every day of her life, Peggy is now faced with the question of what Brooke, who is often in pain and needs 24/7 attention, would like her to do. Shut off the machines and the breathing and feeding tubes? Or keep her husband - who still has an active mind and voice - alive artificially.

Brooke and Peggy had done all the right things. But, still, they're confronted on a daily basis with questions. Brooke about when to say "when." And Peggy about what to do when the love of her life finally does say "when."

When the time comes, your family will have questions, too. But we can help.

At The Law Offices of Alice Reiter Feld & Associates, we practice Elder Law....and we've been answering questions like this for South Florida families for the past 34 years. And we've helped them - and their senior loved ones - secure their futures, with comprehensive estate planning, wills, trusts, powers of attorney, long-term care planning, asset-protection plans, and assistance with Medicaid and the VA.

We can help your family, too. And we're just a phone call away.

Have the Courage to be Knowledgeable

The Affordable Care Act (Obamacare) provides insurance for the uninsured, who unfortunately have become overcome with confusion, fear and misunderstanding that they are avoiding the process altogether. Believe me, I get it. We are trying to navigate the options in our office and even with the help of a professional insurance broker, we still are unsure of our options or how to proceed.

Also, many are not aware of some of the wonderful new benefits added to Medicare recipients including yearly Wellness visits ( an opportunity to talk about end of life issues), and coverage for numerous procedures that were not covered before.

If we can help, please don't hesitate to call and we will share all our research. But use all your resources. Call your insurance person, go on the website (healthcare.gov), contact the county for resources they provide; http://www.broward.org/Benefits/Pages/HealthCare%20Reform.aspx; and http://www.browardhealth.org/upload/docs/Corporate/STAR/Sept%20Oct%20STAR%20WEB.pdf;

Let me know what you learn!

My Veteran's Day Message

This message is dedicated to my father, a World War II veteran.

15 years ago, a client came into my office and told me about a friend who was getting some sort of veteran's benefit for his assisted living care. I was skeptic to say the least because I was an established elder law attorney who had "read all the books" and "taken all the classes" and I never heard of such a benefit. Luckily for me, this client was an exceptionally bright and informed person and she proceeded to gather whatever information she had from her friend. The result for me was a two week immersion into a world that few knew about and that I was suddenly an expert. It was the discovery of the benefit commonly known as "Aid and Attendance". Myself and other attorneys began becoming more educated and passing the "well kept secret" to other attorneys, clients and allied professionals so that they would be aware that there was a benefit of up to $1700 per month (now $2100) for wartime veterans who qualified which has many times changed the lives of our senior clients.

Unfortunately, this well kept secret became so well known that many non attorneys began "assisting" seniors with applications (selling unnecessary products along the way) which in most circumstances, in order to qualify, there was the need to make this planning part of an entire estate plan which of course is the role of the attorney. The results that came into our office were disastrous; bad applications, applications that have been sitting for years, applications where there was no follow-up or if there was it was inconsistent with the VA's internal rules. Many of the plans put together would prevent and cause ineligibility for Nursing home Medicaid which was needed down the road. Our office has been retained to "fix" the applications of many of these disasters.

The good news on this Veteran's day is that the public, facilities and others are now aware of these issues and are taking steps to protect their veteran's and their families which in turn provides everyone with "happy customers". So we continue to be able to file these applications (albeit much more complicated since back in the day of the "well kept secret") so that our Veteran's and their surviving spouses can afford to pay for their long term care in their later years.

This is my first Veteran's Day without my father who passed away last January at almost 92 years old. He was a World War II veteran who talked little about his years of service during my growing years but was more and more forthcoming during his senior years. He was a very proud veteran who before he died gave my son a map of his tour through Europe that I didn't even know existed.

Happy Veteran's day Dad and to you all and of course to all of our veteran's who have so honorably and courageously protected our nation during our long history.

The Aging Game: What to Expect, and How to Cope - Part 3

This is the last of our series on how you can stay younger for longer. None of us can fight off Father Time forever. But we can definitely delay his progress...

In addition to what we've already mentioned, as you age you'll notice changes in your skin. It begins to get thinner, less elastic, and more fragile - you'll see bumps and bruises where you never saw them before. Our skin also becomes drier, as it produces less natural oils. And wrinkles and age spots appear.

So...learn to baby your skin. Don't bathe or shower in hot water. Use a mild soap, and a moisturizer. Use sunscreen outside. Wear protective clothing, and a hat. And if you notice changes to your skin, show them to your doctor!

We've already mentioned smoking's harmful effect. But did you know that it also harms your skin?

Of course, maintaining a healthy weight gets harder as time goes by. And often, muscle mass is replaced by body fat.

It's not inevitable, though. Many of my clients maintain a healthy weight well into their 70's and 80's. They're the ones who maintain a schedule of daily exercise. Who make healthy dietary choices. And who realize that their bodies no longer require the portion-sizes they ate when younger.

Finally, it's vital to have a positive outlook on life. Research shows that people who embrace life with a positive outlook and a grateful attitude generally live longer, and stay healthier.

You probably have questions about the aging process...and the process of adapting to financial and lifestyle changes. We can answer them.

At The Law Offices of Alice Reiter Feld & Associates, we answer questions about the aging process - from physical to financial - every day. Over the past 34 years, we've helped thousands of South Florida families through the aging process...with comprehensive estate planning, wills, trusts, powers of attorney, long-term care planning, asset-protection plans, and assistance with Medicaid and the VA.

We can help your family, too. And we're just a phone call away.

The Aging Game: What to Expect, and How to Cope - Part 2

Elder Law attorneys have to deal with a lot of questions about physical ailments. And I always tell my clients that they're in charge of dealing with - or preventing - many of those ailments.

For example, as you age, your bones often get smaller and thinner, which makes them more liable to fracture. Muscles generally lose strength and flexibility, and both your coordination and balance can be affected. But you can delay the process.

You can find bone-strengthening calcium in foods such as dairy, almonds, broccoli, kale, canned salmon, sardines and soy products, as well as supplements. Vitamin D, found in foods such as oily fish (like tuna and sardines), egg yolks, and fortified milk, (and supplements), is also important.

Lift weights! Weight-bearing exercises are incredibly helpful in strengthening your bones.

Memory often becomes a problem as we age. But it doesn't have to!

Here, again, a healthy diet's important. Staying physically-active helps, by increasing blood flow to the brain. So do mental "exercises" - crossword puzzles, Sudoku, learning a new skill, varying your routes when you walk or drive, etc. It helps to have a good social network, too. And if you're experiencing memory problems, lay off the alcohol!

Your pearly whites may no longer be so pearly, or so white. Your gums might recede. You might be experiencing dry mouth, or infection. Solutions are simple, though. Brush at least twice a day, and floss. And get regular check-ups.

You really can age gracefully. It doesn't take much effort. It's often common sense. And if you've got questions, we've got answers.

At The Law Offices of Alice Reiter Feld & Associates, we practice Elder Law. And we answer questions about the aging process - from physical health to financial health - a hundred times a day. Over the past 34 years, we've helped thousands of South Florida families through the aging process...with comprehensive estate planning, wills, trusts, powers of attorney, long-term care planning, asset-protection plans, and assistance with Medicaid and the VA.

We can help your family, too. And we're just a phone call away.