How Can I Start a Family Council at my Husband's Nursing Home?

Many nursing homes have them. But some don’t. I tell my clients who have a loved one in a nursing home: If the home doesn’t have one…start it yourself!

If set up and managed properly, family councils can be very beneficial – for the home as well as the families, because administrators can learn a lot. The goal is to discuss issues of importance to the families, while avoiding a blame-first atmosphere.

It’s not a place to hold complaint sessions; that’s a private matter between you and the administration. It’s not a place to degrade the facility or the staff; that’ll only make things worse. It is a place, however, to share ideas and concerns…and, hopefully, solutions. And it can become, if pursued in this spirit, a place where you can bond with the people who care for your loved one.

Your first step should be to speak with the administrator about creating a family council. You probably won’t face much resistance, as these are now fairly common. Ask for her help in setting things up. Find out which rooms might be available, what day and time would be good, who should facilitate the meetings, and how to get the word out about the meetings. Then, at the first meeting, discuss the schedule with the other families.

Some councils have “formal” meetings, with minutes, etc. Don’t get hung up on formal structures; the important thing is to arrive at solutions in an open, participatory manner.

In addition to problem-solving, a key function of a council is to arrange activities involving residents and families, such as picnics on the grounds. These special occasions can help foster a feeling of unity among residents, families, and staff.

If you’ve got a loved one in a nursing home, you’ve got questions. At the Law Offices of Alice Reiter Feld & Associates, we’ve got answers.

We’re Elder Law attorneys. And we’ve been answering South Florida families’ questions for 33 years, and helping them prepare for the future with comprehensive estate planning, wills, trusts, powers of attorney, long-term care planning, asset-protection plans, and assistance with Medicaid and the VA.

We can answer your questions, too. And we’re just a phone call away. 

My Dad's In a Nursing Home...And Constantly Losing His Glasses, Wallet, And Dentures. What Can We Do?

Well, the first thing I tell clients in this situation is to remember why he’s there in the first place – he may have memory problems.

Then, I advise them to speak with the director of his unit, and find out why this keeps happening. Then you have to determine whether the item is worth replacing. Obviously, glasses and dentures need to be replaced. But other items may not need to be.

Wallets, for example, may be more of a comfort/reassurance item to him than anything else. And, if that’s the case, you don’t have to replace each one with a fancy wallet; an inexpensive one may do. In fact, it may pay to keep a few on hand.

Replacing lost or broken items can be expensive. But there are still ways you can save. For example, you can compromise on the frame of his glasses. Or, if he just uses them for reading, perhaps an inexpensive pair of reading glasses – available at any drug store – would suffice.

Even with dentures – which are obviously a necessity – it may be possible to save some money. If they’re broken, consider fixing them rather than replacing them. And if they’re lost, chances are, they’ll be lost again. It’s conceivable that they just don’t fit right…and your loved one may be removing them. If that’s the case, a dentist may suggest alternative measures…including re-fitting the dentures to; make them more comfortable.

If your loved one’s in a nursing home, you probably have a million questions – every day. But we can help.

At The Law Offices of Alice Reiter Feld & Associates, we practice Elder Law – and only elder Law. Over the past 33 years, we’ve answered these questions for thousands of South Florida families. And we’ve helped them prepare…with comprehensive estate planning, wills, trusts, powers of attorney,long-term care planning, asset-protection plans, and assistance with Medicaid or the VA.

If you’ve got questions, we’ve got answers. And we’re just a phone call away.

The Nursing Home May Evict My Father, Because of Aggression. What Do I Do?

Occasionally I get a frantic call from a client in this situation.

The first thing I tell them is that aggression is usually caused by agitation. And if you can control the agitation, you can control the aggression.

I believe it’s helpful to meet with the Director of Nursing and her team to discuss the situation. If you’re not satisfied with the results, you can contact the long-term care ombudsman program in your state. These are trained volunteers who advocate for nursing home residents, and help in working out solutions.

If you’re confident that staff have done all they can, your loved one should be assessed. Go to the Alzheimer’s Association (www.alzs.org) to find a nearby program. What is an assessment? It’s a 24/7 observation…which could possibly result in changes to your loved one’s medication. (It’s possible that the medication could be causing the aggression.)

If a patient’s aggressiveness is not caused by medication, it may be caused by a lack of chemistry between patient and staff.

During the assessment, you can meet with social workers at the facility to see where else your loved one might be placed. It’s possible that a simple change in environment may be beneficial…although it may result in confusion initially.

If my clients are looking for a new home for their loved one, I encourage them to consider one with an Alzheimer’s unit, which is specially built and staffed with this population in mind. Staff at such a facility will be trained to deal with aggressive or agitated patients.

If your loved one has dementia or Alzheimer’s, you’ll have a hundred new questions every day. We can help.

At The Law Offices of Alice Reiter Feld & Associates, we’re Elder Law attorneys…and we’ve spent the past 33 years answering these questions. We’ve helped thousands of South Florida families, with comprehensive estate planning, wills, trusts, powers of attorney, long-term care plans, asset-protection plans, and assistance with Medicaid or the VA.

If you’ve got questions, we’ve got answers. And we’re just a phone call away. 

Are Group Homes With Four or Five People Appropriate for Alzheimer's Patients?

First of all, it’s important to define exactly what we mean by “group homes.” Some states call them “boarding care homes,” instead. Some states require licenses. So, to start your search, call your state’s licensing department and ask if licensure is required; and, if so, get a list of the homes in your area.

If it were one of my parents, I’d consider only those homes experienced with dementia patients. These facilities will have very specific safety measures, and staffs with special training in working with this population.

Also, when making this decision, consider whether your loved one can stay in the home the rest of her life. For example, if she runs out of money, will the home accept Medicaid? (And will she be eligible for it?) What if she eventually needs a wheelchair, or becomes bedridden, or incontinent. Will she be able to remain there?

In my opinion, smaller homes (with just four or five residents) are best for dementia patients. They’re more “homey.” There’s more contact between the staff and residents. And staff are generally more versatile, as they often have to do a wider variety of jobs.

I believe that residents of smaller homes are often happier. The smaller homes often make it a point to involve residents in daily activities such as cooking and cleaning, folding laundry, helping with the trash, watering plants, and setting the table. Activities such as these allow your loved one to feel a sense of responsibility, and self-worth. And they allow her, as well, to develop a sense of community with the other residents.

When you’re dealing with Alzheimer’s, it’s inevitable that more and more questions will come up in your mind. But we can help. At The Law Offices of Alice Reiter Feld & Associates, we have one of the largest Alzheimer’s Resource Centers in South Florida.

We’re Elder Law attorneys. And over the past 33 years, we've walked thousands of South Florida families through the Alzheimer’s Journey…with comprehensive estate planning, wills, trusts, powers of attorney, long-term care planning, asset-protection plans, and assistance with Medicaid or the VA.

We know every step of the Alzheimer’s Journey. And we’re just a phone call away.

Be Involved In Your Loved One's Nursing Home Care!

Once your loved one is admitted to a nursing home, the most important thing you can do is ensure they receive good care. And the best way to do that is to be involved...be a care advocate.

Your key roles are to participate - actively! - in planning your loved one's care, and to maintain frequent contact with nursing home staff.


Care Planning

This process begins with a baseline assessment, within two weeks after the new resident moves in. A team - possibly a doctor, nurse, social worker, dietitian, and physical, occupational, or recreational therapist - assesses information from both resident and family. This assessment then becomes the baseline against which progress is measured.

The team asks family members about the resident's medical, psychological, spiritual, and social needs. You can also tell them about their preferences and routines.

It's a good idea for the family to make their own list of needs, and to give it to the assessment team. For example, you may have noticed signs of depression, along with symptoms of Alzheimer's. And this is important information.

Here's a quick list for you to consider...

1. Medical needs
2. Psychological needs
3. Spiritual needs
4. Social needs
5. Preferences and routines

The team then develops an individualized care plan, specifying the care required, and the strategies to address it. And you should know that family members - and the resident - can (and should!) participate in any planning meeting.

When you go to subsequent meetings, bring the list you gave them earlier. And if something's been overlooked, bring it up!

Federal law requires that nursing home care result in improvement (if possible). If improvement isn't possible, the care must maintain abilities or slow the loss of function. If your loved one has Alzheimer's - which is progressive - the purpose of care should be to maintain mental and physical abilities for as long as possible. For example, if your mother still has the ability to communicate clearly, the care plan should encourage her use of language.

IMPORTANT NOTE: The care plan may be part of the nursing home contract. According to federal law, generally nursing homes must review a plan every three months, or whenever the resident's condition changes. There must also be an annual reassessment. At these times additional meetings are held to update the plan.

It's your job to monitor your loved one's care, to ensure adherence to the plan. If you want your loved one to get the most personal attention possible - be a forceful advocate!

It's a stressful process, to be sure. But we can help.


At The Law Offices of Alice Reiter Feld & Associates, we're Elder Law attorneys. And we walk families through this process every day. In fact, over the past 33 years we've walked thousands of South Florida families through the Elder Care Journey...as well as with estate planning, wills, trusts, powers of attorney, long-term care planning, asset protection, and issues with Medicaid or the VA.

We have the answers to your questions. And we're just a phone call away.

Can A Nursing Home Kick My Mother Out When She Runs Out Of Money?

What son or daughter hasn't worried about their loved one running out of money while in a nursing home...particularly if their loved one has Alzheimer's? If you have a senior parent with mental health issues who's in a nursing home, and you haven't thought about it...you're a very lucky person!

If your loved one does run out of money in this situation, it can create a crisis situation - for you. And that's why this is an issue that should be resolved before your parent enters a nursing home. You need to ask this question - "What if my mother/father runs out of money?" - before you pick a center. (And if you don't need to ask the question...again, you're a very lucky person!)

Most nursing homes in South Florida accept Medicaid. But Assisted Living Facilities are not funded by Medicaid. So you have to check this out. You don't want to have to move your loved one to a second home if possible.

It would be a very stressful experience for the whole family, as well. And that's why it's important for your family to have an experienced guide lead the way.

At The Law Offices of Alice Reiter Feld & Associates, we've been guiding South Florida families through this process for 33 years. And we've helped thousands of them...not only with nursing home issues, but also with estate planning, wills, trusts, powers of attorney, asset protection, long-term care planning, Medicaid, and the VA.

We practice Elder Law - and only Elder Law. And we can be your guide through the long and winding road of the Elder Care Journey.

We're here when you need us. And we're just a phone call away.

Medicaid Can Help Pay for the Cost of Alzheimer's Care in These Troubled Economic Times

There are a number of programs available to help pay for the cost of care. These range from funds through the Veteran's Administration to private resources to offset in-home and assisted living expenses to Medicaid for permanent, nursing home care.

Learn the steps you need to take to pay for Alzheimer's care while preserving your standard of living.

Aunt Gertie

My Aunt Gertie died on December 6, 2010 on the cusp of 91. She was the last of my father's siblings to pass away. So now both my parents have no living brothers or sisters.

She was my last surviving aunt.

I did not have grandparents. I was not even five years old when they were all gone. But my parents were each the youngest of five children, so I had plenty of wonderful and loving aunts and uncles who were like "substitute" grandparents.

Aunts and Uncles are great. No baggage, no issues, no responsibilities. They cheer you on, happy to see you always and save the baggage and issues for their own kids. What a joy! How I will miss that!

My parents are both living and are now the last surviving aunt and uncle to all my cousins. My parents are everyone's "Aunt Rose and Uncle Joe". No baggage, no issues, no responsibilities. Even friends used to call them that because my cousins and I used to hang out together. At my parents' 60th wedding anniversary, one of my cousins said that "everyone needs an Aunt Rose and Uncle Joe". And so everyone does.

How extraordinarily blessed I am to still have my parents, aged 89 and 88. Yet I feel somehow gypped at having no "Aunt Rose or Uncle Joe". 

So Aunt Gertie, I will take my memories, all the more bittersweet because you were my last, and treasure them because all I had to do was show up.

So, my message to you is: to show up. For your aging mothers, fathers, unts & uncles...sisters and brothers. No regrets. Because when they are gone...

To learn more about the Elder Care services that we provide under the
Elder Law Umbrella, call The Law Offices of Alice Reiter Feld and Associates
at 954.726.6602 or visit www.florida-elderlaw.com

And additional links that offer other useful information FREE, brought to you by

The Law Offices of Alice Reiter Feld and Associates:

www.southfloridamemorylawyer.com

www.medicaidcrisislawyers.com/reiterfeld

www.learnvabenefits.com/reiterfeld

www.estateandlonglifeplan.com/reiterfeld